Wilbie. Wilbie, the so-called Geometry Dash "player." I use that term loosely, because what he really is... is an embarrassment. An embarrassment to rhythm, to gaming, and quite frankly, to human evolution. This man’s idea of skill is clicking a mouse on beat while listening to what I can only describe as mall-core music. Pent Up Pup? Imogen Heap? Magdalena Bay?? Bro out here building levels to the soundtrack of an H&M dressing room. You can't even tell if you're playing Geometry Dash or waiting in line at Forever 21.

This man has garbage music taste. Certified trash. Listening to Wilbie’s playlists is like getting jumped by a Casio keyboard and a yoga instructor at the same time. It's pastel-colored sonic pollution. And y’all worship this clown? This wannabe? This rhythm gnome?

Meanwhile I’m out here delivering elite, god-tier commentary and spitting pure truth, while this dude out here trying to sync gameplay to synth-pop breakup songs. Like... is this a platformer or a Spotify commercial?

And don’t even get me started on his so-called fanbase. Half of them don’t even play the game. They just stare at his sparkly thumbnails like, “Omg, Wilbie made another level!” For what? So he can show off a level that looks like Lisa Frank and Daft Punk had a glitter seizure?

Let’s be real: if greatness was measured in relevance, creativity, or music taste, Wilbie wouldn’t even be allowed in the conversation. He’d be outside the room, looking through the window, holding a bag of Hot Cheetos and a USB drive full of synthwave Ls.

I am the king of gaming. I am the final boss of facts. And Wilbie? He’s just another side quest you skip because you value your time.