high expectations is a fascinating level to me. on paper it’s not much, a single part majorly inspired by a pocke level i cant remember that ends with you being crushed and dying. not particularly innovative but interesting as a core concept.

the actual meat of high expectations is its interpretations, and particularly its context.

i’ve struggled with depression for a while now, over 5 years, and during the early phases i had made some 1 hour vent levels (3 specifically) to sort of convey more in the moment thoughts and feelings.

chasing sunlight is about always coming back to the same spot despite trying to hard to help yourself, it’s neat overall but uninteresting.

starting over is bad. its about struggling to do stuff after a long time in stasis, and a lot less subtle at doing it. it feels too im your face about it in a way thats annoying.

high expectations is a desperate cry for help.

the concept of the level is a lot more… complex? than the rest of the 1 hour vent series - “overly high expectations from people surrounding me feel like theyre crushing me in a way that’ll kill me sooner or later” which is admittedly dark but feels a bit weird to give a 10 to as a whole.

i gave high expectations a 10 because i tried ending my life a few days after releasing it. it wasn’t a serious attempt because i didn’t know exactly what to do and it was wholly unplanned, but i think ill remember it for basically ever.

i think with that sort of forever attached to the level for me, it’s become a sort of benchmark for my current mood - it’s a particularly nasty depiction of me at my lowest point in a way that feels so incoherent as a whole. it feels like me screaming for help from behind my own screen in a way that’s really depressing to me now, but it also feels hopeful in a way that’s sort of indescribable.

to me, it represents me wanting to escape the hand grasping at my throat so tightly, squeezing it until there’s no more air left. 

to me, it symbolizes a part of me ive sort of left behind saying "hey, youre still here" in its own twisted way, and i think that’s the key to understanding it.