this is a hard one to write

i say other things elsewhere but on a purely qualitative emotional level, this is definitely my favorite level in the game. it's also the one among my favorites i watch the least. this is not because of its length, it's because of the content. i guess it's fairly simple at the end of the day. my guess is if you've grown up in this community, and you've come to terms with being queer and neurodivergent in it, and something, maybe several somethings, have really hurt you or you really regret, this will hit like a ton of bricks. gd is my favorite game and probably always will be, but the traumatic events i've gone through in and adjacent to its community constitute some wounds that will not heal, even years and years on. and that's what this level's about. the specific instance it's relaying reminds me a lot of some things i've gone through, though i don't think it's exactly the same knowing what i do know. it's mostly that main impetus. the longing. the level's not even really cathartic ultimately. it's kind of trauma triggering, despite being so cryptic and abstract. that's why i don't watch it very often, it's definitely the most emotional any level makes me by far, but that's on part of it being a stabbing feeling in the heart and a bit of nausea. despite being my favorite level in the game i can't give it my 11/10 rating because it's not what i come to gd for. it's not what i like about gd. it's not something you want to hear about with gd, really. it's definitely a really singular level, even just the gall to make a level with its topic, but most obviously its extreme length and the way it puts hard gameplay and unique visuals/moments so deep into it, but i don't really want to talk about it anymore